cooking

Been cooking dinner for 4 days in a row.. many days coming as well..

actually, i am quite enjoy it..

i love my hands covered with smell of spices, smell of garlics, onions..

i love how my family finish up the dishes.. (purposely cook little)

urge to learn more dishes, to upgrade my cooking skill...

but the thing is.. i have to spend more for family again.. aikss

i always wanted someone who can guide me along, teach me, give me advice whenever, wherever i need.. someone who can eventually make me realized that.. i'm actually worth this living.. im actually a useful person.. i'm actually have found my hidden talent..

but.. there are too many reasons behind..

This will happen when a couple get too long time together? getting sick of each other?? yelling and screaming?

ａｒｅthese the　ｃｏｍｉｎｇ years that i will be living for the rest of my life?

it really makes me wonder sometimes. am i the suitable person for him? or vice versa..

Tears haven been my company for these few days.. Avoiding him is my only exist allowing me to think deeply..

i dont want all these.. all these keeping quiet and getting emo for whole day , and 2 days later yelling at me! i do not deserve all of these shit!!

what can i do? yell back at you? start fighting and shouting like a mad people with you?? i can't do this either!! i will speak words that i will regret later.. sentences burst out and will never be take back again.. both of us will get hurt..

do you know that i have been crying a lot since my grandma passed away？　

Do you realized that i have always shed my tears sitting right beside you? and i;ve been trying really hard not to let you see it..do you realized that i have been crying sleeping beside you, and yet you have not sense it．． do you know that i've been crying inside my dreams for past few months after my grandma left me?? can you sense that my guilt for not treating my grandma nicely in her last few days?ｆｏｒ　ｎｏｔ　ｂｅｉｎｇ　ｂｙ　ｈｅｒ　ｓｉｄｅ　ｗｈｅｎ　ｓｈｅ　ｐａｓｓｅｄ　ａｗａｙ．．．

do you realized that i have been happier since my trip from bangkok.. ｔｈａｔ　ｉ；ｖｅ　ｃｏｍｅ　ｔｏ　ｒｅａｌｉｚｅｄ　ｔｈａｔ　ｅｖｅｒｙｏｎｅ　ｗｉｌｌ　ｐａｓｓ　ａｗａｙ　．．　ａｎｄ　ｉｔｓ　ｔｈｅ　ｎａｔｕｒｅ　ｗａｙ，ｔｈａｔ　ｉ　ｆｅｅｌ　ｔｈｅ　ｓｉｇｎ　ｈａｓ　ｂｅｅｎ　ｓｈｏｗｎ　ｔｏ　ｍｅ　ｂｙ　ｂｕｄｄｈａ　　．．

ｉ　ａｍ　ｎｏｔ　ｅｘｐｅｃｔｉｎｇ　ｙｏｕ　ｔｏ　ｋｎｏｗ　ｅｖｅｒｙｔｈｉｎｇ　ａｂｏｕｔ　ｍｅ，　ｔｏ　ｓｅｎｓｅ　ｅｖｅｒｙｔｈｉｎｇ　ｔｈａｔ　ｈａｐｐｅｎｉｎｇ　ｔｏ　ｍｙ　ｌｉｆｅ．．．

ｗｈａｔ　ｉ　ｃａｎｎｏｔ　ａｃｃｅｐｔ　ｉｓ　ｔｈａｔ．．　ｏｎｅ　ｍｏｍｅｎｔ　ｙｏｕ　ｓａｙ　ｉｍ　ｓｏ　ｃｕｔｅ　，　ｊｕｓｔ　ｌｉｋｅ　ａ　ｋｉｄ．．　ａｎｏｔｈｅｒ　ｍｏｍｅｎｔ　ｙｏｕ　ｓａｙ　ｙｏｕ　ｇｅｔ　ｓｏ　ｆｅｄ　ｕｐ　ｗｈｅｎ　ｔａｌｋｉｎｇ　ｔｏ　ｍｅ．．　ａｎｄ　ｔｈｅ　ｎｅｘｔ　ｔｈｉｎｇ，　ｙｏｕ　ｓｔａｒｔ　ｔｏ　ｙｅｌｌ　ａｔ　ｍｅ．．

ｌｉｆｅ　ｈａｓ　ｂｅｅｎ　ｖｅｒｙ　ｈａｒｄ　ｔｏ　ｍｅ．．　ｉ　ａｌｗａｙｓ　ｔｈｉｎｋ　ｔｈａｔ　ｙｏｕ　ａｒｅ　ｔｈｅ　ｂｅｓｔ　ｔｈｉｎｇ　ｔｈａｔ　ｅｖｅｒ　ｈａｐｐｅｎ　ｉｎ　ｍｙ　ｌｉｆｅ．．　ｐｌｅａｓｅ　ｄｏｎｔ　ｌｅｔ　ｍｅ　ｌｏｓｔ　ｍｙ　ｆａｉｔｈ　ｔｏｗａｒｄ　ｙｏｕ，　ｐｌｅａｓｅ　ｄｏｎｔ　ｌｅｔ　ｍｅ　ｓｔｏｐ　ｌｏｖｉｇ　ｙｏｕ．．

ｉ　ｋｎｏｗ　ｏｎｃｅ　ｍｙ　ｌｏｖｅ　ｔｏｗａｒｄ　ｙｏｕ　ｉｓ　ｇｏｎｅ．　ｎｏｔｈｉｎｇ　ｃａｎ　ｂｒｉｎｇ　ｍｅ　ｂａｃｋ　ｔｏ　ｙｏｕ．．　ｉ　ｒａｔｈｅｒ　ｓｔａｙ　ａｌｏｎｅ　ｔｈａｔ　ｔｏ　ｂｅ　ｗｉｔｈ　ｙｏｕ

have u ever consider..that i may not always been able to please you.. have u ever re-consider.. that i may not be your cup of tea..

The Road Not Taken

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.



----

i got a bak chi sister

updating blog

it seems that i have abundant this blog of mine..

meaningless crap:

road crossings,

heart beating,

mind cracking..

birds chirping,

cats meowing,

aunties gossiping,

mom is nagging me to get marry asap.. gosh.. i haven't even reach 25 years old (according to birth dates instead of year of birth), then she said no people will want me after all the years I've spent with ry..

T________________T

i think she wants a grandson/grand daughter.. too bad.. i'm not having one in this coming or next coming year..

========

i have noticed the weight i've gained for the past 1 year..

Blame my unresistant toward delicious food and 100% no exercises..

meaningless crap:

metabolism lowering,

food consuming,

fats allocating,

calories gaining,

bf laughing,