don't think so much

It’s been really depressing after having some serious conversation with bf for the past 2 days.

We talked about future. This is something which I am afraid of for the time being. The more I’m scare about it; the more I’m gonna think about it.

Honestly, I know I have been thinking way too far from the track. Maybe it seems to be something less vital to him but as usual I’ll think very deeply about the problem arises.

Where will he be assign to work after he back from Scotland? No one knows. He is bound to government contract for several years. This means that he has to work somewhere far away from the city or even other states. And most importantly, he will be far away from me. Again… Sigh..

It seems like we are not gonna be like other normal lovely couples. I’m not saying that I want to live with him or stick with him 24/7. It’s just that I hope we can spend time together, whenever and wherever I want.

But, it doesn’t seem to be working the way I want it to be.

It’s just gonna be another distance relationship again.

We will stay far away from each other.

We will be communicating using phone and internet again.

If lucky enough, we might able to see each other during weekends. Or maybe meet once or twice in a month.

He will be far away when I needed him the most.

He will be far away when I am sick.

He will be far far away when I am bored.

He will be far away from me when I think of his silly behaviors.

I have to adapt to loneliness.

I have to be more independent again.

I have to learn to cook enough portions for myself and eat alone.

I have to solve problems by myself.

I have to cry alone while hugging the little pillow that he gave me.

Yes, friends do play an important role, but you just can’t expect them to be beside you all the time. They have their own activities too. I can’t expect them to accompany me whenever I want. Even my siblings have no time for me sometimes.

All of the sudden, I miss our time spent together..

He says that he can travel over and find me during weekends. And that is when he is working at seremban while I’m in kl. So what about if he is at places like penang, kedah or maybe sabah?

Maybe I should follow my friends and also his advice.

Don’t think so much!!

Sorry for my midnight mumblings.

It’s almost 2am.

It’s midnight

Midnights make me emo.